Are you emotionally ready for retirement?

Those days that we hit the alarm for work and close our eyes for ten more minutes and think about how beautiful it will be to retire and never have to be anywhere for anyone with a looming deadline again…we’ve all been there.

And then, before we know it…it is here. Retirement age creeps up on us like wrinkles. I clearly remember clipping along and doing well in my longtime career and then what seemed like suddenly, people were asking me when I was going to retire.

I think it was after my first grandchild was born. Nobody had ever mentioned retirement to me before and now, perhaps because I had a photo of a newborn on my desk, people were curious. My boss suddenly wanted a succession plan written. Board members were asking me what I was going to do with my free time.

The funniest thing is, I hadn’t even thought about retirement. I was entering my 60s and had recently received two awards in my field and was operating a strong department of talented people.

I was, however, starting to feel the pull of being more available for a quick flight to snuggle that new baby and a desire to help my parents more as they were aging.

I started to see friends retiring early and thier social media posts of numerous trips to exotic places, downsizing or upsizing to a new house with endless hours to remodel or decorate or simply rocking a grandbaby.

I didn’t have enough time for any of that with a demanding job and it wasn’t long before I began to resent a career that I had loved for decades.

When the battle of being dedicated to work and watching the clock tick on how fast my grandbaby was growing and my parents aging came to a head, I knew it was time to leave. The emotional tug-of-war had worn me down to the point of exhaustion and I realized I could no longer do it all. I could…but I didn’t want to.

I didn’t want my work in the nonprofit sector to suffer, and I certainly didn’t want to miss the days of grandparenting that I had waited so long for or quality time with my parents and friends.

When I left my job, I felt an immediate sense of relief.

I was so exhausted that I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. The opportunity to finally rest my mind and body felt like the most luxurious thing ever.

I have come to know that resting isn’t a luxury, that is a necessity, although I never gave myself permission to do so for most of my life.

The honeymoon period was just that. Blissful mornings of slowly waking up and allowing the stress of the demands of a job, melt away.

And it wasn’t long before I began to feel what one of my clients called “untethered”.

I felt adrift and like a stranger in a new country and didn’t speak the language.

I had lost the people I talked and laughed with every day. That felt lonely.

My few friends that were already retired either lived far away or were well into their new roles and were frequently busy.

I hadn’t realized that the structure of my day was so important. Our brains need familiarity and suddenly so much felt new and very unfamiliar.

I couldn’t even figure out what to wear! Clothes have always help me define myself and I was used to heels, business attire and a professional looking me.

What does one wear when you are home most of the day? I didn’t know!

The biggest walk uphill was a sense of purpose needing new direction.

I decided I couldn’t be the only person going through this and it was validated by the fact that I could barely find any information on this new chapter of life. Sure, retirement connected to finance information is everywhere, but nowhere could I find anything that spoke to this self-imposed upheaval I was feeling.

No books, podcasts, or articles could be found but I knew other women were challenged by this season because I was hearing it from family and friends. I wondered why it seemed so taboo to talk about it.

So, I became certified as a midlife coach for women and through that process learned a few things.

A lot of women are feeling the same way about stepping into their 60s and are hesitant or even afraid of retirement. Or, they are already retired and trying to find their footing again.

I learned that women are craving a place, a person or any kind of resource to walk them through this adjustment.

I learned that having a coach (which I hired for myself during my training) can help to ask powerful questions that can lead to clarity and results.

So, here I am, coaching women who have worked so hard their whole lives and have looked so forward to retirement and are now feeling a bit confused about what is next.

If you are in this “untethered” boat, here are a few prompts to give thought to or journal to help you start thinking about what this season has in store for you.

I encourage you to give lots of time and thought to not only what you want to do “do” when you retire but also how you want to “feel”.

Because, I promise you, there is good stuff in the retirement season. Lots of it.